I was ready to move forward w/couples counseling immediately, but after this experience of you “speaking for me” which continues to be an ongoing issue in our marriage, I am choosing to do things differently. I am going to continue…
Lesson 6: My Intimacy Guardrails
1. I will give myself space & time to heal before I consider re-engaging in an intimate relationship with my husband, and I will not be pressured or guilted to “care take” or rush the deal.2. I will allow myself…
Lesson 5: My Naivete and Blindness
My dear naivete and blindness, you remind me of when I recently taught all day & when I picked up my daughter after school—she said—“Mom, why do you have marker on your face?”. I have only 2 things to thank…
Lesson 4: My Redefining of Intimacy
Warmth, tenderness, playful, connecting deeply, relating physically & emotionally, being present, giving mutually, pleasuring & delighting together, feeling safe, knowing & being known, honoring & respecting. Sex would be free from addiction, objectivity, or hidden agendas.Sex would not be transactional…
Lesson 3: My Shame
My Dearest Husband, I have carried the shame of your lies. I have questioned my own judgment and faulted myself for being blindsided, naive, and trusting. I give you back the shame. I am not responsible for your lies. I…
Lesson 2: My Constant State of Yo-Yo
I identify with attachment ambivalence and my yo yo behavior, and this was the beginning of a breakthrough for me. I will refer you to Michelle Mays book, The Betrayal Bind, where she coins the term “attachment ambivalence” and explains it in…