I have carried the shame of your lies. I have questioned my own judgment and faulted myself for being blindsided, naive, and trusting. I give you back the shame I am not responsible for your lies.
I have felt shame for hiding from my friends the pervasive reality of sexual addiction. I give you back the shame. I am not responsible for your behaviors, and I no longer need to carry shame for your choices and behaviors.
One small step for me:
A baby step in handling attachment ambivalence when my husband tries to take a genuine emotional step closer is that I can become aware and can intentionally recognize it as genuine. I admit, that though these occurrences are rare and infrequent, I have not been effective at doing this.
I can choose if I am ready or not ready to receive it. I can express the things I am comfortable doing and those that I am not comfortable doing instead of dismissing, discounting, or ignoring these moments.I have felt shame for my sexual self. I used to be free, but I find myself feeling inadequate or less than… I give you back the shame. I recognize that my worth is not bound up in you, and I will continue to uphold my value of safety and trust preceding intimacy.
I have felt the shame of carrying the burden of your recovery. I give you back the shame. I cannot rescue you, heal for you, or cultivate healthy behaviors for you. You are responsible for your recovery, as I am responsible for my recovery.
I am giving it all back to you.
