My Dearest Husband,
I have carried the shame of your lies. I have questioned my own judgment and faulted myself for being blindsided, naive, and trusting. I give you back the shame. I am not responsible for your lies.
I have felt shame for hiding from my friends the pervasive reality of sexual addiction. I give you back the shame. I am not responsible for your behavior, and I no longer need to carry shame for your choices and behaviors.
I have felt shame for my sexual self. I used to be free, but I find myself feeling inadequate or less than… I give you back the shame. I recognize that my worth is not bound up in you, and I will continue to uphold my value of safety and trust preceding intimacy.
I have felt the shame of carrying the burden of your recovery. I give you back the shame. I cannot rescue you, heal for you, or cultivate healthy behaviors for you. You are responsible for your recovery, as I am responsible for my recovery.
I am giving it all back to you.
“Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it-it can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.” Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
