I was ready to move forward w/couples counseling immediately, but after this experience of you “speaking for me” which continues to be an ongoing issue in our marriage, & several other instances of repeated or ongoing lies/deception, I am choosing to do things differently.
I moved out of our bedroom (10/21) & communicated that I am taking another step back from our relationship. I communicated that trust cannot be built when he continues to “speak for me” &/or continues to “withhold info,” “omit info” &/or directly lie. I am going to continue to do my work and focus on my own process of healing for the duration of the Braving Hope program.
My clear requests:
Radical or vigorous honesty: no more lies (this includes withholding important info from me/omitting important info/deception)
Begin Couples Counseling (CSAT) December 2023
Cannot be sexual or sleep in the same bed until these changes happen
I no longer want to remain silent, nor do I want to be reactive but rather come into clarity of what the situation really is, acknowledge my reality, and slow the trauma trigger cascade. I am doing it differently by learning to take a step back & intentionally decide how I want to respond. I am learning to make choices to take care of myself, protect myself, and disengage from unhealthy/harmful interactions. This is a long road, & a hard one at that, but the path is slowly being paved for me to first find my way & then gradually begin to operate from my personal power center. This path has been hidden or rather not visible to me because I was entangled in betrayal blindness, conditioned to remain silent due to fear of his reactivity/threats to harm himself/abandonment, confused/disoriented/blindsided by the years gaslighting, damaged by a year of trickle truth (FTD last July), caught in the constant trauma trigger cascade, & held hostage by a secret sexual world that I did not know existed for 16 years of our marriage.
I am determined to stop giving away my power to him, to stop letting his behaviors determine my behaviors, to stop allowing his reality to define my reality. I’m not there yet- but I CAN SEE a path – a well trodden path, paved by all of you courageous women continuing daily to brave hope.