No sexual contact with anyone outside our relationship. Must disclose within 4 hours of occurrence.
Active Recovery=Participate in 12 step meetings, individual therapy with a CSAT, group therapy, and meet with a sponsor in SAA.
My boundary options I may exercise if bottom lines are crossed.
- I will initiate a therapeutic separation or legal separation.
- I will contact a lawyer to review my options.
My Requests around your recovery for safety:
No recovery slip/relapse (violation of inner circle behaviors). Must disclose within 4 hours of occurrence.
4 Words: vigorous honesty, no deception (this includes NOT withholding important information)
Make all financial accounts, phone accounts, email accounts, social media accounts, etc. transparent and accessible (no secret accounts)
Follow the recommendations of your CSAT.
He will text me with any change in plans.
Polygraph every 3 months (1st year), every 6 months (2nd year), 1x a year (3rd year and beyond).
For now I will be the one to initiate sexual affection/touch.
For now, we will sleep in separate bedrooms for safety and space for recovery.
My boundary options I may exercise if requests around your recovery for safety are crossed:
- I will ask you to sleep in the guest room or in a hotel.
- I will stay in a guest room/hotel to process and think about my options.
- I will schedule a meeting with your CSAT.
- (1st slip- sleep in guest room and/or a hotel until safety is restored; 2nd slip- sleep in a hotel for a minimum of a week and go to an intensive like Begin Again)
Boundaries for keeping myself regulated, helping myself with triggers, and supporting my body:
I will not start any hard conversations before 9am or after 9pm. If my partner initiates a hard conversation during these hours I will ask him to wait until later. If he continues to talk to me anyway, I will remove myself to another part of the house or leave the house.
I will initiate a 15 minute break from the conversation if either of us become activated. If he continues to talk to me anyway, I will remove myself to another part of the house or leave the house.
I will share my reality openly and honestly while trying to listen to my partner’s reality as openly and honestly as I can.
I will trust my gut.
I will exercise 4-5x a week. I know this really helps me move my emotions through me.
I will prioritize enough sleep & healthy food.
I will incorporate daily spiritual connection via prayer, words from music/Scripture.
I will prioritize time 4-5x a week to listen, write, engage with safe community, and/or reflect on my recovery.
When I feel triggered, I will pause and use my tools:
- Shift from reactivity to responding with my powerful effective voice
- Step out of the gaslighting dance
- Step out of my well-worn reactivity dance pattern
- Think about what I am feeling and what I need
- Ground myself with self care activities, such as going for walk, praying, listening to worship music/audible, taking a break, journaling, reaching out and connecting with a friend, making myself a cup of hot cinnamon tea.
- To “Selah” – pause and reflect
