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Braving Connection After Betrayal

Journal 7: The Cycle of Intimacy Anorexia

December 1, 2024 · Journal

Closeness, coldness, complete withdrawal…on repeat

The closeness is comforting, coldness is chilling, the withdrawal is wounding…

It is a slow burn…like suffocation from carbon monoxide…you don’t really know why exactly you can’t breathe…you can’t see it or detect it…yet it cripples your airways…

That, my friend, is what intimacy anorexia does to a relationship.

It is the most painful thing I have ever experienced …on repeat.

There is no cure, there is no cure, there is no cure.

I am just realizing after 5 years of this and a total of 18 years of marriage…there is no cure.

Knowing about the cycle helps. Talking about the cycle helps. Recognizing the cycle helps.

Living in awareness is empowering and sobering. It doesn’t take away the thorn on the rose, but at least you know the rose will always have its thorns. Enjoy the beauty and be wary of the thorns. The beauty will always be there, and so will the thorns.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Psalms 23:4 (KJV)

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