I gave couples counseling a whirl—“all in”– for about 6 months, and then I stopped.
The most valuable skillset I learned was to look for the answers to these questions.
Overall is it happening less frequently?
Is the duration of the detraction decreasing?
Is the intensity going down?
When the retraction is over, how well is the rebound?
Is the negativity going down?
Can I see warmth?
In 6 months of couples counseling, I have not seen consistent evidence of changes in the frequency, intensity, retraction, rebound, negativity, and warmth to warrant my continuation of investment in couples counseling.
As a result, I am shifting my focus to “co-parenting.” This seems to be a far more productive and effective use of our time and money. We have had 4 parent consultations with a parent specialist, and I hope to continue this good work.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3 (NIV)
