My new beliefs continue to morph and change as I grow. Through these you can identify your personal growth and see where you are slipping back into negative thought patterns.
- I am married to a chronic liar. He will continue to lie and deceive me. I can and will stay in awareness, ground myself in my reality, and use my powerful effective voice when this happens.
- I will trust my gut, discern lies from truth, and notice the cloud of deception as it unfolds before my eyes.
- I will stand firm in my reality when faced with gaslighting.
- I will not get caught up in the gaslighting dance.
- When I choose to- I will bring my authentic self to others & risk vulnerability to find true intimacy & connection.
- My goal to heal: secure attachment to self/others-Brown & Elliot Attachment Disorders in Adults: 1. A felt sense of safety, 2. Feeling seen and known, 3. A felt sense of comfort/soothing and reassurance., 4. Feeling valued and delighted in, 5. Feeling a “sense of support for being and becoming one’s unique best self.”
- I will continue to hold firm to 4 words: vigorous honesty, no deception. The ship will not sail w/out these 4 words.
- My goal words for life: confidence, security, and trust in my resilience and my resourcefulness.
- My prayer: to see his addiction accurately and deal with it appropriately.
- I claim these words: Michelle Mays—“I know if the worst would happen I will be sad, scared, etc. However, I am going to be okay because I have tools for safety.”
- I have the ability to make good decisions about my future.
- I am stronger.
- My brain protected me when I needed protecting and God’s timing is perfect.
- I will force myself to engage in acts of “micro-bravery.”
- I am enough.
- I can’t control his reactions. I can control my responses and use my powerful effective voice.
- I can be “velvet steel- soft hearted and stay strong.”
- I can “overcome and become the most beautiful I was meant to be.”
- I have a safety plan with steps in place to help me feel more empowered.
- This is not as good as it will get–I will not make an emotional home in the fear state.
- I will not make an emotional home in the powerless state.
- I will not make an emotional home in the shame state—when feeling carried shame, I will envision physically removing shackles of shame around my body and saying- “This is not my shame to carry.”
- I can change the dynamics by having the right tools and practicing them.
- I will deal with my triggers and acknowledge them when they come.
- I am healing, and this will eventually be behind me.
- I will be living in a new state of connection and joy, if we both choose to stay the course.
- I will be living in a new state of connection and joy if I choose to stay the course.
- I will confidently create my polygraph questions and uphold my request for scheduled polygraphs.
- I will use my powerful effective voice instead of getting caught in the trauma trigger cascade of reactivity.
- I am clear on my boundaries and have the grit and strength to stick to all of it.
- I learn from my mistakes: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
- I “carpe diem” and look for beauty in the mundane life moments.
- I can do –and I am doing–HARD THINGS.
- I can change my beliefs regardless of my circumstance.
- My beliefs impact my thinking, my emotions, and my behaviors. It starts with my mindset, and I can actively work on calming and soothing my activated threat center while also changing the patterns of negative interpretation that are taking root.
- I have firm boundaries and bottom lines (non-negotiables) and have the grit and strength to stick to it.
